Face it, none of us get married thinking or expecting to ever get divorced later on down the marital road. Most of us enter marriage with hope and optimism. Unfortunately, a fair amount of marriages end in divorce in spite of a couples’ efforts to make it work. Not everyone is prepared for marriage nor do we all have the tools necessary to make one succeed. If you are on the brink of divorce, there are some things you might want to ask yourself before making this life-altering decision.
- Do you really want a divorce, or would you rather have a better marriage with your spouse?
An unhappy marriage and a marriage with unresolvable, deal-breaking issues are two different things. Some couples consider divorce when they encounter a difficult or troublesome issue they believe they are unable to fix. Arguments and problems are natural though, so it is important to be able to identify when your marriage is unsalvageable and when you simply need to work things out. Divorce is a big step and you should not rush into it unless you are certain there is no other option.
- Did you seek outside help? Did you exhaust all of your options?
Some couples go through therapy together and find they are not making much progress. It does not necessarily mean divorce is their only option though. You might want to try checking out another therapist before moving forward with a divorce and calling it quits. That said, you cannot rely solely on your therapist to rescue your marriage. He or she is there to help you both work through your issues, but you and your spouse are still going to have to put in the required effort if you really want to get back on track.
- Are you both under an incredible amount of stress, which has pushed the relationship past its breaking point?
Stressors can have a severe impact on a relationship, especially when they are present in excess. If you and your spouse are experiencing financial difficulties, unemployment, or have had a miscarriage, your relationship is probably under immense stress, overshadowing the better elements of your dynamic. Before opting for divorce, consider addressing these individual stressors first. You might find that reducing or eliminating the issues that are weighing heavily on your marriage might save what you once believed to be beyond hope.
- Did you examine your own role in your marital difficulties?
None of us are infallible and, if your marriage is failing, you need to accept that you are likely partially to blame. Maybe you have a hard time keeping your word, or never speak up, or are too honest; whatever the problem is, it often takes two to make a marriage fall apart. Acknowledging your faults does not mean you are fully responsible for the problems in your marriage. You cannot be responsible for the actions of your partner, but you can identify your own mistakes and work on improving any behaviors that might be contributing to any marital issues.
- Was it a mistake, or are the problems you are currently facing too challenging for you to address?
Not every marriage starts off on the right note. Maybe you and your partner rushed into things or were pressured by outside forces to wed, creating unsteady ground that might have doomed your marriage from the start. If this is the case, consider the lessons you have learned and move forward with them in mind. If you are just hitting a rough patch, despite starting off on a good foundation, it is possible that you might just not have the relationship skills to overcome a particular hardship.
- If sex is the problem, did you make a true effort in dealing this issue? Did you speak up, take risks, or consider seeking help?
Sexual difficulties can often be solved with the right kind of skilled help. Instead of jumping to the conclusion that you and your partner are sexually incompatible, think outside the box and have an open and honest conversation about your sex life – what you enjoy, what you wish was better, and ways in which you think it could be improved. Issues related to sex are often rooted in a lack of communication, so give it a shot, and start talking.
- Is there someone else in your life?
If you are dealing with an affair, a mere flirtation, or a serious relationship outside of your marriage, you might not be sure where to go from here. Is the affair just a way for you to avoid unresolved marital issues? Bear in mind that many affairs often fizzle out, so before you decided to trade your marriage for what might turn out to be a fling, consider reigniting the relationship you already have with your spouse.
- Do you still love your spouse?
This is one of the ultimate questions you have to ask yourself. If you no longer love your spouse, whether or not you can work out your issues is rather irrelevant if the love is gone. Honestly examine your feelings and figure out if you are still in love. Just make sure you are not confusing any mounting issues you might be facing as a sign that the love you once felt is now absent.
Jackson Family Law Attorneys
At Shows & Smith Law Firm PLLC, we are experienced, solution-focused, and dedicated to helping clients effectively resolve a range of family law matters. If you are considering a divorce, or have already begun the process, our Mississippi legal team can help you navigate the process. We take our role as counselors and advisors seriously and will take the time to listen to your questions and concerns in order to help you achieve your goals.
Our firm represents clients in a variety of family law matters, including divorce, child custody, child support, spousal support, property division, visitation, domestic violence, and more. Due to the sensitive nature of these matters, we pride ourselves in delivering compassionate and understanding representation and work hard to make sure the lives of children involved are disrupted as little as possible.
To learn more about our Jackson MS divorce attorney’s legal services for individuals and families, call us at (601) 809-4144 for a complimentary initial consultation.